What I'm thankful for, 2015

1. A daughter who is happy and healthy

2. Everyone else in my family, blood-related and otherwise.

3. Friends, new and old 

4.  Ayahuasca and the things it has shown me and all it will show me in thefuture 

5. A job that doesn't give me anxiety 

6. People who let me do their hair in the kitchen because my job doesn't pay very much

7. A car that gets me from point A to point B

8. A place of my own to live that is safe and adorable 

9. My kidney recipient for turning my world upside down and showing me what true courage and freedom can be

10. Adventure

This Thanksgiving is completely different than any I have ever had before. I was supposed to spend it with a friend, but I caught a cold and spent the day (mostly) alone. Other than the sniffling and stuff, it was one the best holidays I've ever had. I knew my kid was with her dad's family, eating turkey and running around with her cousins. I didn't have to entertain anyone or worry about what they wanted to eat or do all day.  I could just fix myself some food, sit on the couch, watch tv, read, write, and be by myself.  For the first time in years, I got to spend Thanksgiving thinking about the things I am thankful for. Like really thankful for. Like the fact that I was born a human in this time period in this country. It is a miracle that my body came to be formed at all, especially in a place and time where I don't have to worry about scarlet fever or gential mutilation, and isn't that what the holidays are really about?

I don't know if I would have appreciated my own company as much in the past, but it's pretty nice. Plus, as things change, as life goes on, I know that alone time may not always be so easy to come by. Spending this next summer out of state and living out of my car is probably one of the most exciting things I have to look forward to, but in the meantime, I'm going to appreciate this bathtub while I have it. And yes, I may or may not be typing this on my phone while in the bathtub. My only regret is not bringing a bowl of leftover mashed potatoes in here as well...

I hope that your Thanksgiving is filled with love and gratitude, whether you are surrounded my family or whether you are spending it alone. Either way, I hope you feel peaceful and free and genuinely happy.

Rebirth

There is no way for me to type out my Ayahuasca experience. The written word has no room, in any known language, for what I experienced six days ago. I can't even journal it in a way that makes sense.

 

So give me a little more time. 

I'll make a video post describing my ceremony, and even though I know it won't do it justice either, it will be something a little closer to the truth. But there are some things I can tell you now...

I know my purpose.

I know where I came from.

I have started to learn a second language.

I have physically experienced and relived what it was like for our fishy ancestors to crawl onto land for the first time.

I have a lot more work to do.

And most importantly...

The gut blob is gone. Just like that, it is no more. 

I promise more on all of this once I get a chance to make a video.

I hold so much love in my heart for every one of you.

Ayahuasca is absolutely, 100% the most pure and raw form of medicine that I have ever witnessed, and my soul has been healed.  I owe my life to Mama Ayahuasca and I will spend the rest of my life working to make the most of what I have been given. 

I have never felt so much love in my life.

It was incredible.